>Falling Down

>Hey foodies! So this is going to be a very long post. Feel free to skip parts, read it out of order, or just look at the pictures! I have a lot to say today. I’m going to expose a little bit of my inner self, and I hope you enjoy getting to know me a little better. (:

First, Wednesday Walk! Joe, Kayla, and I took a hike around AA. Sadly it was not super nice out, but it didn’t rain. So that’s one thing (;

So we started out journey through the Law Quad…

I liked the base of this tree (:

A mirror in a tree?!

I wonder how it got there..?

 We have a lot of cool art structures around campus, and one is a giant swing!

Weeee!

My butt was freezing in this picture.

 We also explored some of the eclectic, interesting shops in AA…

Kayla = Harry Potter. Done.

 We stumbled into this random bookstore with a ton of old books…

So. Many. Books.

 Now all of this walking was making us hungry so we went Zingerman’s Delicatessen! This is an absolute must if you ever come to Ann Arbor. It has the freshest ingredients and breads are baked fresh every day!

I had a veggie sandwich on rye. Yum!

 Afterwards we stopped at Kilwin’s. We went to the ice cream part, but the chocolate part had fudge samples and they were super delish! (; I love me some good fudge. I can’t wait to go camping with my friends from home this summer up north…. can you say holy fudge?!

Ice cream! (:

 I chose against getting any because I wasn’t hungry, but I did sample Joe’s toasted coconut…

I enjoy awkward facial expressions.

 Here’s the gang! (This is after judging about 4 people who walked by us and finally picking someone we trusted to take our picture.)

Friends<3

 Speaking of giant art structures, we have a giant cube that a bunch of engineering students put together a few years back. It spins with relative ease, and it’s crazy fun (;

We all look so little next to it, eh? (:

I ran into a squirrel on Thursday too. He was eating an apple core (: I ended up almost petting him!!…. He was reaching his little paws out for my hand. I was worried he was going to bite me though so I ended up walking away.

What a cutie!

 Of course I needed to eat a Larabar…

It was decent….
 I’m not a big lemon person except in my water.

 Also, I promised a picture of the toppings bar at Yogurt Rush… and ta da!

Fruit and nuts on the left
crushed candy bars, cereal, gummies & others on the right (;

 Amazing right? I don’t know how I survived first semester without this place!

So there is a reason I went to Yogurt Rush last night. You see, I had a French exam yesterday at 8am. And then I had a physics exam at 7:30pm. So I was studying all day for physics after French. I’m not sure how French went, but I felt like physics went bad, and it did. I thought I was going to do alright, but I failed. This is the third exam this year that I have failed. (One chemistry, two physics.) I ate this monster after my exam last night…

I swear that there is froyo in there somewhere.

It was pretty bad. This morning I woke up to my horrible grade. I’m coping with it okay I suppose, but it has sent me into a panic about doing well on my math exam Monday morning. I can only hope I can pull it together by then. :/ I can’t believe I ever considered majoring in physics. It makes me so unhappy! Plus it  doesn’t help that I’m in the honors physics class 😦

Sorry to be such a downer on you guys! This is just what’s on my mind right now, you know? 
So here’s where you guys come in. This week, I really fell down. I know it seems like I’ve been keeping everything together, but finals week has really pushed me more than I thought it would. I’ve been struggling a lot with my eating and thoughts. I ate too much cookie cake, way way too many bowls of ice cream, and I’ve been stress-eating because my anxiety has been so bad this week. Yes, I ran six miles the other day. Other than that though, I haven’t been able to exercise at all. The food guilt and lack-of-exercise guilt is taking over my mind. Those two obsessions combined with finals have torn my new found confidence to shreds. I’m starting to slip back into old habits, and I can’t seem to snap out of it. I’ve tried reading inspirational quotes and every day I try to start off with some hope, but it doesn’t stop the thoughts. The day just goes downhill from the moment I wake up. The demons are kicking and screaming, trying to get out.
How do you get up? I’ve fallen down and I can’t get up. I can’t escape the grip of who I used to be. I want to live happy and healthy. I want to get better. I suppose I can’t expect that every day I’m going to wake up happy… but the resurface of all of these thoughts makes me feel like I’m back at square one. How do you get back on track? What brings you back to who you are? I feel like I’m losing myself here. 
What do I want out of life? I want to be the truest, purest form of myself. I want to be me… happy, healthy, and living life in love.


How do you pick yourself up when you fall? What do you want out of life / what are you working towards?
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One response to “>Falling Down

  1. >Oh girl, I've been going through the same sort of thing lately….super stressed about my exams so I've been going back to bad eating habits…I think you just have to try not be too hard on yourself. I know it's much easier said than done, but try keep in your mind that you'll get through it and be perfectly ok. I know exactly how you feel like you can't escape that grip. BUT YOU CAN! Think of how far you've come! You don't want to give that up now do you? I hope you feel better soon, remind yourself that this is only temporary! You can do it! 🙂 ❤

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