>Fraîche

>Today was an interesting day.

I started off waking up 30 minutes earlier than I normal, going back to sleep, and waking up again 5 minutes later. So I got up at 7:20am to use the extra time to squish some last minute studying time in before my speaking exam. I ate an apple as a quick snack because I knew I wasn’t eating breakfast for a little while. Skimped on the shower to hit the books! (I did wash my face so that I at least looked fresh even if I didn’t feel that way.)

My exam went very well (I think)! I wanted to keep talking to my teacher. She’s blonde, tall, drop dead gorgeous, and just about the nicest person you will ever meet. She’s always so full of energy in the morning! It’s refreshing 🙂 I wanted to tell her even more, but my 10 minutes were up! I take the fact that it went fast as a good sign.

Afterwards I went to Panera. I love love love Panera. They have the best strawberry poppyseed salad in the summer (full of in season, fresh fruit!). I’m obsessed with fruit so there’s nothing better! And honestly, who can resist fresh baked bread?! I also had an hour to kill (yay for cancelled class because of speaking exams!) and a Panera reward!

Free pumpkin muffin? Sign me up!

I used my free pastry/sweet and grabbed a chai tea latte. The muffin was so fresh and soft! I haven’t had a muffin that good in awhile. One of my better decisions of the day 🙂 I was so full afterwards because it was so rich!
My next big event was therapy. I had some thoughts I wanted to share. I realized one of my biggest problems: I have commitment issues. I knew that I did relationship-wise (my poor boyfriend has been dealing with them for awhile now), but they extend to other areas of my life it seems. I often have these thoughts at night, “Tomorrow is going to be different! Tomorrow I’m going to start exercising every day! I’m going to wake up early to do ___! I’m going to be nice to ____! etc etc”. I might succeed with one day, or even two, but these thoughts quickly die out. And then the cycle restarts. I never commit to my goals.
Today my therapist and I talked about my values and what I consider important in my life. Once I had rated some items (family, friends, relationships, self-care…), I was supposed to look at what I considered the top 3 important things. Then I had to list an intention for this component, and three committed actions I am going to have that will help me work for this intention. This felt oddly familiar. Making goals, and trying to stick to them. Seeing the words “committed actions” made me realize my problem. I don’t have any commitment to my goals. I do at first, but I need to commit to the change in my life, otherwise I have a big chance of relapsing. I am not just changing myself, I am changing my life.

Here’s an example of my exercise:
  1. A component of my life that I value is self-care
    • My intention for this component is exercise more and eat better.
      • This summer I am going to buy better portioned plates and bowls so that I can learn to control my portion sizes. (ex: little plates for little snacks)
      • This summer I am going to find new, fun ways to exercise. (Horseback riding, taking a day-trip to Ann Arbor with friends to shop and do cardio ballet or yoga)
      • Right now I am going to use one plate in the dining hall for all food and try new, fresh combinations.
To kick off my new goals, I had a fruit salad with cottage cheese tonight…
Yum!
I felt so special because a girl actually came over and complimented me on my salad and asked what was in it 🙂 It was so delicious! (My French teacher was surprised to hear that we had fresh fruit in the dining hall!)
Continuing on the subject of therapy, I wanted to share some good news. I feel slightly better! I am starting to finally feel some changes going on. I am better at being alone, and enjoying time by myself. I feel less guilty after a rest day, eating too much, and taking time for myself. I am starting to get better at taking care of myself. Today made me realize what was important to me. If I get a few B’s (or a C), it isn’t the end of the world. I have 3 years left of college, 3 more years of grades. I only have one life though. My education is super important, don’t get me wrong. It, however, is not the most important thing. I have family and friends, and I also need to take care of me. I won’t finish college if I have an extreme psychological breakdown!
I suppose my take-aways from this long-winded post are that my exam went well, I have commitment issues (that I am working on), and I am trying to keep my life, body, and soul fresh and alive.

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